The March Hare

He was the March Hare
under trees so bare
His name was Jack
still had white on his back
snow white
very bright
indicating a late spring
skiers will sing
but for the rest of us
we will cuss
spring is not here
let's cry in our beer.

-A poem written by Christopher Van Helsing
Thursday March 31st 2011.

Lenin Getting Down On Friday

Hey it's Lenin getting down on Friday!
Partyin' (yeah) Partyin' (yeah)
Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!
Stalin sittin' in the front seat!
Trotsky sittin' in the back seat!
Which seat should Vladimir take?

Spring, The Boidies and Jack O' Hare

Today is the first day of Spring in the Northern Hemisphere.

Spring has sprung
the grass has riz
I wonder where de boidies is.
 
Actually the grass hasn't riz and there's still loads of snow on the grass outside.
Still no signs of little boidies with their wings flapping and their behinds crapping (particularly on statues) and their beaks chirping and their tweets slirping.
I still haven't seen Jack O' Hare
standing there in his bunny underwear
I just see his tracks in the snow
he's a rabbit on the go
he hippity hops here
he hippity hops there
he hippity hops everywhere
making circles in the town square.

Qonzilqointec and The Comet

The Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec was on her ranch in the desert hills.

A ranch where the night sky was not blinded by the bright lights or the smog of Mexico City where she lived in her penthouse apartment.

Here on her ranch was her own astronomical observatory where she observed the stars and the planets and awaited the return of her spiritual godfather Quetzalcoatl from Saturn's moon Titan in the year 2012.

On this early March evening, as she stood in a regal gold evening dress and serpent emblazoned golden spiked stiletto high-heels, she observed the solar system in her liquid mercury reflecting telescope.

She remarked to her valet Javier, "Do you see this comet that's approaching Earth, Javier?".

"I do, your Highness," Javier bowed, "I do not recall hearing or reading about such a comet in the news."

"That's because, Javier," Qonzilqointec smiled and flashed her white glistening vampiric fangs, "this observatory of mine is the only astronomical observatory in the world that can see this comet approach."

The comet grew closer and closer to Earth with each passing second.

To be continued.

Isis and Dracul and Qonzilqointec

Isis and Dracul and Qonzilqointec


The Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing lay in his bed in his Paris hotel room.

Suddenly a mysterious and powerful breeze blew open the shuttered windows of his hotel room.

And then flying in through the windows in a lovely red dress was the Egyptian vampiress Isis.

"Dracul, darling," she embraced the vampire hunter on his bed and then took him over her knee and spanked him.

She then made wild passionate love to him.

And then she said, "The winds of change are blowing over the world more fiercely than at any point in its previous history."

And then she flew out the window.

The shutters mysteriously shut behind her.

"Well, that certainly felt great," Dracul thought to himself.

Just then another powerful breeze blew open the window.

And this time the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec flew in through the window.

She too was wearing a lovely red dress.

"Dracul, my dearest," she ran to embrace him.

Then she too took the naked Dracul over her knee and spanked him.

Then she also made wild passionate love to him.

Finally she kissed him passionately on the lips (as Isis had done before) and said, "The winds of change are blowing over the world more fiercely than at any point in its previous history."

Dracul was beginning to develop a sense of deja vu about the whole experience.

Qonzilqointec flew out the window.

The shutters mysteriously shut behind her.

And so Dracul Van Helsing vampire hunter, cum laude graduate in Philosophy and geopolitical analyst lay in bed and drifted into a deep and pleasant sleep.

Outside in the Paris night sky, the stars in the constellation Orion's belt seemed to shine more brightly than ever.

To be continued.