T-Bone For A T-Rex

T-Bone For A T-Rex

So my dad and I visited the town of Three Hills Alberta
last week.
Many many years ago my dad taught in a one-room
country schoolhouse just south of there.
The name of the school was appropriately enough Gumbo
(the mud would often get quite sticky in the rain).
Anyways the Gumbo School District had joined up
with the Three Hills Rural School District to put on a joint
school re-union party to which my dad was invited.

The town of Three Hills is not far from the Red Deer River
Badlands where more dinosaur fossils have been found than
anywhere else in the world.
So my dad and I spent quite a bit of time exploring the Badlands.
We visited Dry Island Buffalo Jump Canyon, Big Valley, the town of
Carbon (where my great-grandfather had once owned the horse livery
stables) and also the City of Drumheller which is considered the heart
of the Red Deer River Dinosaur Valley (Drumheller is also my birthplace).

Anyways while I was down there I thought up the following story
about a mad scientist trying to bring dinosaurs back to life:

T-Bone For A T-Rex
written by Christopher
aka Dracul Van Helsing
July 18th, 2007


Doctor Faustus Ashmole told the group of frightened schoolchildren,
"The dragons and the terrible lizards shall live again! Mwahhaha!".

The schoolchildren had been listening to a lecture delivered by
Doctor Ashmole in the world famous Royal Tyrrel Museum of
Paleontology in the City of Drumheller, Alberta, Canada.

But Doctor Ashmole had been delivering his lecture in such a way
that it would have made any mad scientist played by Bela Lugosi come across
like a limp-wristed pansy in comparison.

By the time the sinister Ashmole had finished his talk, 100% of
the schoolchildren had to run to the washroom.

So for that matter did 100% of the teachers.

"Well, Doctor Ashmole," Tom Lynch a local rancher spoke up,
"you really had those kids scared... "

"Shift is over," Mike one of the young guides at the Museum
was beaming like Paris Hilton at the end of a Spelling lesson
in Grade school.

Doctor Ashmole and Tom Lynch went back to Doctor Ashmole's
custom built medieval looking castle near Fingerless Gulch
in the Badlands.

Tom, I want to show you something," the doctor spoke.

He took Tom to the front of the castle and pushed a button.

A cage carrying a live T-Rex rose up out of the earth.

"Look at what I've created through my DNA experiments," Doctor
Ashmole cackled like Ozzy Osbourne on steroids.

"My God," Tom Lynch looked in horror, "you've created a monster."

"I know," Doctor Ashmole laughed like a glue-sniffing Donald Trump,
"US Vice-President Dick Cheney has named me to the Board of
Directors of one of the companies he owns."

Doctor Ashmole pushed another button and the cage door opened
and the T-Rex went running off through the Badlands.

"What have you done?" Tom Lynch drove back to his ranch house and
grabbed a rifle and followed the T-Rex tracks hoping to catch the
terrible lizard.

The T-Rex meanwhile had stumbled into the illegal bootleg liquor still of
a man they called Shady Green.

The T-Rex drank all of Shady's 60-year-old bootleg whisky.

"That's all we need," Tom Lynch thought to himself, "a drunken T-Rex."

The intoxicated T-Rex had meanwhile headed into the direction of a steak
barbeque being held at the Three Hills Rural Schoolhouse.

The T-Rex then grabbed the T-bone steak belonging to a 90-year-old woman
named Pearl Lammle.


"That beast took my T-bone," Pearl pointed.

"A T-bone for a T-Rex," a Geopolitical analyst on the scene observed.

"Walker or no walker, I'm going after him," Pearl got up out of her walker
and grabbed her daughter Rosalie's umbrella, "no old fossil is going to steal
my steak and get away with it."

By the time Tom Lynch had arrived on the scene, the intoxicated T-Rex
had been knocked out cold by repeated blows on the head from the Pearl
handled umbrella.

"That T-Rex has been knocked out like a chicken," Pearl's son Donal
observed.

"Some chicken, some umbrella," the Geopolical analyst spoke in
his Sir Winston Churchill voice.

As Tom nodded, a retired schoolteacher spoke up, "Just like an old rooster
named Lord Tom Noddy, he's been knocked out by a woman's umbrella."

Doctor Faustus Ashmole pulled up on his Harley-Davidson and noticed
his T-Rex comatose on the ground.

"Well Ashmole," Tom spoke, "it looks like your chickens have really come
home to roost."


THE END.