Jack O' Hare As Secret Agent

This is a trailer I wrote for a non-existent movie which opens in theatres nowhere today.

In it the wild hare jack rabbit who lives in my back yard Jack O' Hare plays a secret agent similar to James Bond 007.

Announcer: He's suave...

Jack O' Hare (approaching a cocktail waitress): The name's Hare. Jack... O' Hare.

Announcer: He's sophisticated...

Jack O' Hare (to the same cocktail waitress): I like my carrots raw... not cooked.

Announcer: He's Jack O' Hare...

Jack O' Hare: Agent Double O Nothing.

Announcer: On Her Majesty's Secret Service...

Jack O' Hare: I forget the Queen I'm working for... it's either Elizabeth II or Perez Hilton.

Announcer: On his most dangerous mission yet...

Jack O' Hare: I knew I shouldn't have flown using air miles...

Announcer: He's face to face with one of the world's most dangerous villains... Doctor...

Jack O' Hare's boss at MI-6: Goldbum is his name. He's got a butt made of pure gold. His original rear end was blown off when he accidently sat on a bomb during the First Gulf War...

Miss Bunnypenny (MI-6's Secretary): And now he wants to rule the world... world domination all over again... what an asshole...

Jack O' Hare: But a very priceless asshole. Did you see what the price of gold just shot up to on the stock markets this week?

Announcer: Trapped on a desert island with dozens of beautiful women...

One of the many beautiful women on the island: My, what big ears you have, Mr. O' Hare...

Jack O' Hare: It's not only my ears that are big...

Announcer: And the evil megalomaniacal billionaire Doctor Goldbum...

Doctor Goldbum (smoking an expensive Cuban cigar): Let me ask you something Mr. O' Hare before I throw you into a den of wild coyotes... how many men do you know who can shit pure gold?...

Announcer: Doctor Goldbum... another adventure of Jack O' Hare... Agent Double O Nothing... coming soon to a theatre near you.