My Own Personal Thoughts On Love- Reflections On Eros and Psyche

I suppose because it's the month of February (and Valentine's Day falls within the month of February) that a lot of people are blogging on the subject of love.

And reading all these blogs about love made me start thinking and reflecting on the subject of love.

Because there are different sorts of love. There's family love- the love a parent has for the child. And the love the child has for the parent. The love between brother and sister.

The love between good friends. That love that is found in a close friendship.

And then of course there's romantic love- which is the love most people seem to be writing about this month of February.

The ancient Greeks being the wise people that they were had four words to describe love whereas we in the English speaking world only have one which often leads to confusion when one is discussing love using the English language.

Storge was the word the ancient Greeks used to describe familial love- the love within families.

Philia is the Greek word for love that's used to describe the love to be found within close friendships.

Eros is the Greek word for romantic love- the sense of "being in love". Of course it's from the Greek word eros that we also get the English word erotica. And quite often erotic love in the English sense of the word overlaps with people's idea of lust and this is what quite often causes the problem in love relationships- many people do not think that erotic love is the same as romantic love.

Agape is the Greek word for the love that brings forth caring regardless of circumstances. Agape was translated as "Charity" in the King James Version of the Bible (Charity derived from caritas the Latin word for Agape in St. Jerome's Latin translation of the Bible known as the Vulgate). As the words of Saint Paul from I Corinthians Chapter 13 put it, "And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three ; but the greatest of these is charity."

So what about the ancient Greeks? Were they right to use the word eros to describe romantic love? Were they right to see erotic love as being the same as romantic love?

In my own opinion, they were.

For erotic love (at least the way most ancient Greeks viewed it) was not the same as lust.

Theologian C.S. Lewis used the term Venus (named after the Roman goddess of love Venus who was the Latin equivalent of Aphrodite the Greek goddess of love) to describe pure sexuality devoid of any sort of love- what we refer to today as "lust".

Thus there is erotic love (eros) and there is Venus (lust) and while the two may overlap at times, the two are definitely not the same.

After all in the original Greek myth of Eros, it is Psyche (what is commonly translated in English today as mind namely due to the influence of psychiatry and psychology thought of as "studies of the mind" but actually "psyche" in ancient Greek referred to the "soul". It was the word Nous that the ancient Greeks used to describe the thinking part of the human personality- what we commonly think of as the mind today) who is the human mortal female that the immortal Eros falls for.

Thus in terms of true erotic love as far as the ancient Greeks were concerned- there was always a link between Eros (desire) and Psyche (the soul).

So therefore erotic love- or romantic love- was not the same as lust (Venus)- straight sexuality that was totally devoid of any form of love.

And this is the trouble in the world of relationships today- for desire is felt in erotic love- desire is felt in romantic love- but desire is also felt in lust- albeit a desire that's strictly just that- desire- no type of love is felt for the other person.

So in a way a lot of romantic relationships can be doomed- if the love that is felt there does not grow and blossom- for eventually the desire- physical desire anyways- won't last. There must also be a spiritual desire present- a meeting of souls- a meeting of minds- for the relationship to last.

So what about love? The love that touches us once and lasts for a lifetime (the love that Celine Dion sings about in My Heart Will Go On- I happen to like that song by the way and will even admit to liking it- so you may want to hire your Ninja assasins to bump me off now as someone who actually likes this song that many people find irritating)? The type of love that Poets write about and praise? The type of love that young girls and young women long for? (but become cynical about in later life as they quickly discover how there seem to be a lot more frogs than princes in that deep blue sea where we're told there's more than one fish in the ocean).


So what about that love? The love that Poets praised? The love that young girls and young women long for?

The love (that) can touch us one time and last for a life time?

Does such a love actually exist?

Yes. I've seen it. I've observed it in other people.

But now here's the hard part of what I have to say- that love does exist- but most of us- the vast majority of us- probably won't get it.

Now the Founding Fathers of America wrote that "every individual has the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness".

So true love like happiness- we think we can pursue and find.

But as some great philosopher and logician once wrote about the logical fallacy and flaw in the U.S. Founding Fathers' argument (being Canadian I can write this without being accused of being unpatriotic), "if a person actually has to pursue happiness, he'll never find it."

However there is a simple way for the parties in a relationship to tell if the love they have is that special love that the Poets and young romantic males and young girls and young women and the writer of Celine Dion's lyrics dream of- the love that touches us once and lasts for a lifetime.

My favourite movie of all time is Titanic (no doubt the froggy un-princely like Avatar-loving nerds of Mancouch will hate me for that) and my fourth favourite movie of all time is Pandora and the Flying Dutchman.

I only saw Pandora and The Flying Dutchman once (I saw it once on the late night movie when I was about 7 or 8 years old) but the movie had such an impact on me, I never forgot it.

Anyways I was thinking about these two movies the other day- and noted there were some similarities between them- both set on ships, the sea was present but there was something else I suddenly noted about the two films as well- one of the people in it dying to save the other.

In Titanic, Jack Dawson (Leonardo DiCaprio) is a struggling young artist who's had a past (as can be seen from his sketch he did of a prostitute) and he meets Rose (Kate Winslet) and they have a steamy encounter (romantic erotic love at its steamy best) but then at the end of the film, Jack gives up his life to save Rose. The nearby piece of wood floating in the water can only hold one so Jack puts Rose on it and talks her into not giving up- into living her life to the fullest and doing all the things she's ever wanted to do. Rose survives but Jack dies.

In Pandora and the Flying Dutchman, the Ava Gardner character is a woman with a past- a performing artist who's actually treated men rather cruelly and played with their hearts. Then she meets the Flying Dutchman- played by James Mason- and that cursed mariner like the hero of legend and Richard Wagner's opera- is forever cursed to sail the seas until doomsday.

However in this movie, he does have an out.

If a mortal woman falls in love with him and is willing to die for him, the curse will be lifted.

The Ava Gardner character falls in love with the Flying Dutchman.

She gives up her own life so the Dutchman's curse can be lifted.

St. Paul told husbands to love their wives the same way that Christ loved His Church.

How much did Christ love his Church?

He loved Her so much, He was willing to die for Her.

There was a sad case recently in Toronto, Ontario, Canada where a woman was pushing a baby carriage with a child in it and was legally crossing the street on a green light.

However some reckless jackass car driver who was busy yacking on his cell phone and not paying attention to what he was doing blew through the red light and into the intersection.

The woman pushing the carriage across the street had a split second decision to make.

She could try to outrun the fast approaching car and push her carriage along in front of her if she ran but at the speed he was travelling, he could easily run into both mother and baby carriage and end up killing both mother and child.

However if instead of using her energy to outrun the fast approaching car, if she generated all that energy into giving the carriage one tremendous push, she could easily push the carriage out of the car's way even though she'd end up being hit by the car but at least her child in the carriage would be safe and live.

The mother wasn't about to play Russian roulette with her child's life.

She used all her energy to push the carriage out of the way of the fast approaching car.

The mother ended up being struck and killed by the jackass's car while the carriage and the child inside were safe.

The mother gave up her own life to save her child.

An example of Storge (Greek familial love) at its best.

In the Christian Faith, martyrs are people who love Christ so much that they'd rather die than deny Him.

Many people say they believe in Christ and they probably do but do they love Him?

For to believe in someone is not the same as genuinely loving them.

The Anglican Book of Common Prayer says in its summation of the First Commandment, "Thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thy heart and with all thy mind and with all thy soul and with all thy strength."

To love with all one's heart and all one's mind and all one's soul and all one's strength is what true love is all about.

True love is ultimately sacrificial love.

So if you're in a relationship, ask yourself...

this person from what I know and what I see and what I've observed about them, can I truly say that they love me so much, they'd be willing to give up their life to save mine?

And also ask yourself...

Can I truly say in my own heart, that this person that I think I love, would I really seriously give up my own life in order to save this person's life?

For true love is ultimately sacrificial love.

Love hurts they say.

And true love pays the ultimate sacrifice if necessary.