Jack O' Hare As The Scarlet Pimpernel

Jack O' Hare As The Scarlet Pimpernel

The Scarlet Pimpernel was among my favourite adventure stories I enjoyed reading as a kid growing up.

I also as a kid loved (and still love) the 1934 Sir Alexander Korda film version of The Scarlet Pimpernel that starred Leslie Howard and Merle Oberon.

In fact as a kid, I'd often contentedly go to sleep at night by imagining in my mind I was passionately kissing Merle Oberon who played the Scarlet Pimpernel's wife Marguerite St. Just.

Anyways I've written a poem about my friend Jack O' Hare (the wild hare jack rabbit who lives in my back yard) as the Scarlet Pimpernel.



Jack O' Hare As The Scarlet Pimpernel
A poem by Dracul Van Helsing
written Sunday, August 8th 2010

We seek him, we seek him there
Those Frenchies seek him everywhere
Is he in Heaven? Is he in Hell?
That damned elusive pimpernel.

So Citizen Chauvelin would wail
while eating the egg of a quail
and reading Percy Blakeney's poetic tale.

So where was the Pimpernel?
Was he in Heaven? Was he in Hell?
No, in Chauvelin's garden
eating carrots, can't you tell?

See his big bunny ears
and his Blakeneyesque jeers?
Finishing his carrots, he hopped through the grass
thinking Robespierre's a real pain in the ass
His Reign of Terror
just wasn't fair
so many people were just losing their heads
and you couldn't blame it on Henry VIII's marital beds.

Now Marguerite St. Just was going under the blade
captured in a dawn French commando raid
this woman who looked like Merle Oberon
sentenced to death
by a Committee of Public Safety con.

With a carrot for a sword
and a phony head made of gourd
Jack O'Hare leapt on the scaffold bold
this Chauvelin was later told
and kicked the executioner in the balls
while ignoring the mob's angry catcalls
he picked up Marguerite in his paws so white
and flashed his teeth polished by Ultra-Brite
the toothpaste that shines
with a bunny rabbit's rhymes.

He leapt on a horse
and said, but of course
he rode like the dickens
or maybe Slim Pickens
the sidekick in westerns galore
this bunny could roar
and the heroine escaped the guillotine's gore.
As for Chauvelin?
He's just a bore.



-Dracul Van Helsing