Song About Mrs. Raymond Red Reddington of The Blacklist

Song About Mrs. Raymond Red Reddington of The Blacklist



On the exciting action-packed opening episode of the second season of The Blacklist that premiered earlier this week, it turned out that Mrs. Raymond Red Reddington is still alive.


To celebrate this occasion, I have written a song about Mrs. Reddington and her husband Raymond- you can call him Ray or you can call him Red.




Mrs. Reddington


(to the tune of Mrs. Robinson)




And here's to you, Mrs. Reddington,
Raymond loves you more than you will know,
Whoa-ho-ho-ho
God bless you please, Mrs. Reddington
Heaven holds a place for those who pray,
especially those that know Ray
Hey, hey, hey, hey.



We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files
for the one-armed hook guy who better not scratch his piles
Look around until all you see are sympathetic eyes
Don't ask for human fingers with your fries.


Chorus refrain- the original first stanza of this song.



Hide it in the hiding place where no one ever goes,
the next thing to be lopped off might be your nose,
It's a little secret just the Reddingtons' affair
don't let the house go up in flames of despair,
Most of all you've got to hide it from the kids
as smoke gets under your mascara eyelids.



Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo,  Mrs. Reddington
Raymond loves you more than you will know etc.
the next lines of the choral refrain first verse.



Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon
as hookman's chainsaw starts up a new tune
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you've got to choose
Every way you look at this you lose.



Where have you gone, Red Reddington,
Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you,
you could kick ISIS' ass so blue,
What's that you say, Mrs. Reddington?
Dashing Ray has left and gone away,
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
but he'll be back another day.



-Christopher Van Helsing
 (with apologies to Simon and Garfunkel)


-Thursday night, September 25th 2014.


Sent from my iPhone

Intersection of Hemlock and Broadway

I came across an interesting intersection while out walking today.


The intersection was at the corner of Hemlock Street and Broadway Avenue.


Of course as soon as I saw the name of this intersection- Hemlock and Broadway- I immediately came up with my own fictional radio news headline,


"A pedestrian Socrates Ziegfeld died at the intersection of Hemlock and Broadway today. He met his final folly and drank his last cup of life while attempting to cross the street..."

Denver Taco Truck Sold Meth and Cocaine

Denver Taco Truck Sold Meth and Cocaine



Police in Denver Colorado have busted a drug ring that apparently sold meth and cocaine from a taco truck.


What gave it away was someone finally wondered why the taco truck kept playing that old John Denver song The Colorado Rocky Mountain High on its loudspeakers all the time.

Ghosts Give Their Endorsements In Scottish Indepence Referendum

Ghosts Give Their Endorsements In Scottish Independence Referendum




The ghosts of William Wallace, Robert the Bruce, James the Black Douglas, Rob Roy and Bonnie Prince Charlie took a break from their heavenly harp playing to urge today's Scots to vote for an independent Scotland.



On the other side, England's King Edward I, King William of Orange and William Augustus the Duke of Cumberland screamed while roasting on their respective spits that Scots should vote against an independent Scotland, adding that a Yes vote would only add to their present agony.

Haikus About 9/11

Haikus About 9/11



TVs across globe
same images bring shock, horror
The Twin Towers fall


True genius creates
any fool can destroy so
Osama will smile

Ray Rice Statement aka 'Tis A Tale Told By An Idiot

Ray Rice Statement aka 'Tis A Tale Told By An Idiot



Ray Rice has issued a statement calling for greater understanding.


Speaking of understanding, I understand Dr. Hannibal Lecter is going to make a dish out of the domestic violence practicing athlete appropriately called Chicken Fried Rice.

Franklin Expedition Ship Found

Franklin Expedition Ship Found




Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced Tuesday September 9th 2014 that one of the two ships from the famous Sir John Franklin Expedition to find the Northwest Passage- that have been missing for almost 170 years- has been found.

No word yet on any survivors.

Limerick About An Irishman Named Barney

Limerick About An Irishman Named Barney



There was a man named Barney
who visited every pub in Killarney
he drank so much stout
while walking about
his kidney stone they kiss and call Blarney

Limerick About The Hacking of Celebrity Nude Photos On iCloud

Limerick About The Hacking of Celebrity Nude Photos On  iCloud



There was once a system called iCloud
that had photos of Hollywood's beautiful crowd
some might think it rude
swiping photos of them in the nude
causing many a celeb to scream out loud

Limericks About Two World Leaders- Vladimir Putin and Barack Obama

Limericks About 2 World Leaders




Limerick About Vladimir Putin


There was a man named Putin
for world opinion didn't give a hootin'
marched into Ukraine
giving Europe much pain
and Stalin's ghost's a-rootin'







Limerick About Barack Obama



There was a man named Obama
under whose rule was slain Osama
but when it came to ISIS
he suffered paralysis
and couldn't strategize worth a damn-a

Haiku Written On The 75th Anniversary of The Nazi Invasion of Poland

Haiku Written On The 75th Anniversary of The Nazi Invasion of Poland



Hitler grabs Poland
clouds of war engulf Europe
rest of world follows