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Dracul Van Helsing

Monday, May 30, 2016

You Can Still Hear The Sky Larks Sing: A Poem

You Can Still Hear The Sky Larks Sing: A Poem

You can still hear the sky larks sing
And the guns are no longer heard
Poppies still blow between the crosses row on row
101 years since John McCrae penned the words to In Flanders Fields
And many more cemeteries and graveyards have been sown all over the world
the seeds of numerous wars that have been fought since that so-called Great War from 100 years ago
Would Kaiser Wilhelm II, Emperor Franz Joseph, Czar Nicholas II and the leaders of France and Britain gone to war to enforce their petty quarrels and jealousies and nationalistic pride if they knew the sheer Hell and chaos and hundreds of millions of deaths that would have resulted over the next century as a result of their quarrel and desire to go to war?
If any of them were monsters, they'd have said Yes
If any of them were men, they'd have said No
Their conflict and their decision to go to war did set the stage for the rise of monsters
Hitler, Tojo, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot and numerous others
When humans stumble in their humanity, monsters will rise in their wake


-A poem written by Christopher
 Wednesday May 30th 2016.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

The Scent of A Garden: A Poem

The Scent of A Garden: A Short Poem

The scent of a garden
Hyacinth and cherry blossom
Perfume of nature
so pleasing

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Limerick About Recep Tayyip Erdogan

Limerick About Recep Tayyip Erdogan

A man called Recep had sex with a goat
And did it on an ermine skin coat
so say German comics
on modern electronics
as Merkel leaps for their throat


Wednesday, May 18, 2016

The Boy and The Skunk: A Short Story

The Boy and The Skunk: A Short Story

The boy walked along the banks of Rosebud Creek east of the town of Crossfield.  His loyal English sheepdog Buster followed him.

Buster was named after the great comedic actor Buster Keaton- one of the boy's favourite film stars whom he saw on those rare occasions when his mother took him to a movie show in the big city of Calgary.

Buster had an interesting background.  He was the sole survivor of a brood of pups drowned on a Hutterite colony near the boy's parents' farm because the colony boss thought the colony couldn't really afford to feed any more dogs.

The puppy had somehow managed to survive the mass drowning and was about to be "re-drowned" as it were when the boy called George and his father showed up on the colony to see if the Hutterites were willing to trade some potatoes for lettuce from George's mother's garden.

As George's dad and the colony boss hammered out a deal, George approached the Hutterite man that the colony boss had assigned to be the pups' executioner.

"Don't drown the poor dog," George addressed the man, "I'm willing to adopt him and take him home and look after him."

The man looked at the colony boss and the colony boss looked at George's father.


 George's father sighed.

It was amazing how his son loved animals.

And how animals seemed to love his son in return.

His son even seemed to have the gift of "horse whispering" - that unique ability by which a person was even able to calm and tame wild horses.

George's father nodded.

The colony boss then nodded to the would-be executioner that it was all right.

The little sheepdog who would come to be called Buster had already run to the boy somehow sensing that George was his rescuer.

George picked him up in his arms and the little sheepdog licked his face.


Buster was a very intelligent dog.

George had trained him to gather firewood.

So every morning at the back door of the farm house, there was a huge supply of large sticks that Buster had gone out and gathered during the night.

One morning there was a knock at the front door of the farm house.

George's mother answered the door.

It was an official from the local CPR (Canadian Pacific Railway) station in Crossfield mentioning that survey sticks that CPR surveyors had been putting up in the area had mysteriously disappeared overnight and might she have any idea who the thief was?

George's mother shook her head.




George who was in the kitchen having breakfast overheard the conversation.

He waited until the CPR official had driven away in his car.

Then he went rushing to the back door to see what sort of firewood Buster had gathered during the night.

Buster was there with his tongue hanging out looking as pleased as punch with himself at the night's cache.

Large sticks with the initials CPR on them.

George immediately put them in the wood pile.

Alerting his parents to what Buster had done might have resulted in their giving Buster away.

And on this fine day, George was walking along Rosebud Creek with Buster.

George was imagining that he was walking along the River Nile with his faithful dog Buster and that he was about to discover Cleopatra's tomb or the tomb of some mighty Pharaoh.

George often dreamed of becoming an archaeologist when he grew up.

He was the most voracious young reader of all the books in the one room schoolhouse that he attended- having read every one including all the volumes of the encyclopedia and all the geography books and all the history texts and all the science books.


As George walked along the banks of the Rosebud, his eyes carefully scanned the ground- looking for signs of Indian arrowheads for which he seemed to have a natural gift of finding.

He also kept a watch for beaver traps as he knew trappers often set traps along the banks for the creek's beavers.


Buster did the same.

Not so much to look out for arrowheads like his young human friend but to avoid stepping in a beavertrap.






Suddenly George heard a clanging.

The sound of a beaver trap closing.


George looked in the direction of the clanging.

What poor animal was it whose foot was now caught?

George and Buster walked in the direction of the noise.

And there it was... black with white stripes... a skunk.


The poor creature looked at George.

And George looked at the poor creature.

The skunk turned and tried to walk away- no doubt not sure if George was friend or foe.

It struggled as it walked along the banks of the creek, one of its legs in pain from the trap it was in.


George followed to see if he could help the poor skunk.

A dangerous thing to do.

For it was always possible that the skunk could turn around and spray him with its awful smelling scent.


Still George followed.


 The skunk stopped.

It couldn't go on with this painful thing on its foot.

It turned around.

There was the stranger still following him.

The skunk looked at George.

Then it looked down at its foot.

The skunk thought that maybe the stranger might know how to take the thing off its foot.

So it sat and let George approach.

George came and carefully removed the trap off the skunk's foot.

Then George waited.

Would the skunk spray him with its scent?

But no.

Instead the skunk seemed to grin at him, George thought, and then turned and went on its way- slowly to be sure- from the pain of having its leg in a trap but still it was moving.


Several weeks later, George was playing along the creek with some friends from school.






"Look, a bunch of skunks," a boy shouted.


"Eek! They'll spray us with their scent!" A girl shouted.

"If you don't bother skunks, they won't bother you," George always spoke with a wisdom that went well beyond his young years.

"Hey look, George," another girl pointed, "that one skunk there seems to be looking at you and it almost looks as if he's smiling at you."


"It does," the other children agreed, "He seems to be smiling at you. Why is that, George?".


"I have no idea," George shrugged.

At that point, Buster the sheepdog made a strange noise.

It wasn't a bark.

It wasn't a growl.

If sheepdogs could guffaw, maybe that was the sound Buster made.

And the skunks went on their way.

And George and his friends went on their way.

And Buster followed.





Still guffawing.


-A short story written
  by Christopher
  Wednesday May 18th
  2016.

(The above short story is based on real life events. The boy George grew up to be my father George Bursell Milner. It was 6 years ago today that my dad suddenly collapsed to the floor while shaving in the bathroom and had to be rushed to hospital by ambulance. Within less than a month my dad would be dead from cancer. I wrote this story for I think it illustrates to my readers what sort of person my father was. The writer G.K. Chesterton once wrote that "The boy is the father of the man." Meaning that what people are like in their childhoods is often indicative of what they become in their adult lives)

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Jack O' Hare Vs. The Pirates: A Poem

Jack O' Hare Vs. The Pirates: A Poem

His name was Jack O' Hare
bunny rabbit extraordinaire
a wild hare jack rabbit from afar
who hopped around- didn't drive a car


He decided to try sailing the Seven Seas
after eating some wild mushrooms with his peas
The name of his ship he called The Orange Carrot
Those who don't like the name must grin and bare it


He soon heard of a nasty group of pirates and buccaneers
while downing on an island tavern quite a number of beers
These weren't gentlemanly pirates like Captain Jack Sparrow
These were nasty cutthroats who'd cut you to the bone and eat your marrow


Jack decided to rid the 7 Seas of this terror
and he'd do it with no time to spare
He raised his bunny rabbit flag- an orange carrot
high on the ship's pole so no one could tear it





And set off after The Black Heart
the pirate ship of Captain Grimstone Dark
the wickedest pirate e'er to sail the Seven Seas
who once cut off his First Mate's nose to stop a sneeze


Jack O' Hare caught sight of The Black Heart
and finding no place to park
dropped anchor where he was
and asked why, said "Because..."


He then lined up tomatoes and green potatoes and shouted "Fire"
And when the ship's bunny flag dropped, he said "Higher"
The Orange Carrot flew proudly from the mast
And Captain Grimstone's heart grew overcast
when suddenly he was hit by a green potato
and then suddenly splattered by a red tomato
The pirate terror was down
his face resembled that of a clown




The bunnies then jumped aboard The Black Heart
and made sure its sails came apart
so it would never again sail the 7 Seas
meanwhile Captain Grimstone was on his knees
his buns were tomatoed by Sherrielock Holmes
while bunnies took photos with their smart phones


Jack O' Hare then sank the pirate ship
and tweeted on Twitter, that was quite the trip
Captain Grimstone Dark became a circus clown
and underneath a painted smile wore a frown
Jack O' Hare returned to land
and played the trumpet in a band
you can see him hopping in many a parade
the one drinking carrot juice amongst a line of Gatorade


-A poem written by Christopher
 Tuesday May 17th 2016.

Sunday, May 08, 2016

The Dangling Outlaw: A Poem

The Dangling Outlaw: A Poem

(inspired by a comment I posted on my friend Sherrie de Valeria's blog:

https://sherriedevaleriahendrie.wordpress.com/2016/05/08/what-you-refuse-to-know/

)

So gather around the campfire friends while I tell the tale
A tale that will make your faces ghostly pale
It's the story of the Dangling Outlaw
a tale that will make your skin craw'


Sam Ryan was his name
Outlawing was his game
He robbed trains
splattered brains
of men he shot in the street
keeping his vest and tie neat


He robbed banks
never said thanks
He rustled cattle
and stole a baby's rattle


Sam Ryan was as mean as mean could be
and dangled many a saloon girl on his knee
He laid them here
He laid them there
He laid them almost everywhere
like eggs from the Easter Bunny- that noble hare




Finally one day a posse was rounded up
and as Sam slept at the bar holding on to a cup
He was grabbed and taken away
The posse rode for many a day
until on the bare prairie
they found a lone tall tree

They threw a rope to the tallest branch
These men from the Double Square Ranch
And into the noose went Ryan's head
Grinned the sheriff, "You'll soon be dead"
They kicked the box from under him
And stood around drinking gin


But Ryan dangled and shouted "Never say die"
And as both the crow and time did fly
every one of the posse eventually succumbed to the Grim Reaper
And Sam lived 100 years into the Decade of the Beeper
but technology changed and so did the seasons
Why was Sam still alive? The universe has its reasons

30 years have passed since the Decade of the Beeper
And now Toms use their smart phone cameras to be a peeper
And occasionally they take a picture of Dangling Sam
And continue on their way without giving a damn





And Sam Ryan outlaw still dangles by rope on that lone prairie tree
He's had nothing to drink so nothing to pee
He still shouts at the top of his lungs
Far and wide as the prairie grass sprungs
"Never say die!" "Never say die!"
Great lines on silver screen come and go such as "Here's looking at you, kid" and "Mud in your eye"
But like repetitive parrot or Shakespearian actor who's forgotten his lines
Sam says the same thing over and over into these 2016 times
"Never say die!" Never say die!".


-A western narrative poem
  written by Christopher
 Sunday May 8th 2016.